Wondering (Mostly postmodern)

I wonder often as I sit and stare at celluloid screens where phosphor dots create meaning with E and M signals and somewhere a neural pathway registers consciousness as normal, open and static....its a weird reality where phenomenon governs my idea of what should be, when the reverse makes more creative sense...

so, i think, since I spend millions of neuron firings everyday, trying to encapsulate an idea of limitless freedom into polysyllabic script, it might as well be an attempt devoid of social bias and past acquired instinct....or is that even a human ability ?

all this just meshes into the dilemma which screams for identity and is easiest to smother....we start living lives out of boxes, wrapped in bubble dreams and often starved of ingenuity....but, if a correlation is to be drawn, between what is and what isn’t....the is wins out...

maybe the is wants me to read papers, feed the dog, take out the trash and believe that the world is formed of isolated stations manned by egomaniacal, self rooting mammals that don’t know the first thing about compassion or deliverance or liberation.......

somehow, rowing the boat against that proverbial stream always eludes those that spend too much time in the tavern with a pint....in my pintless life, this need to create the worst possible idea of reality seems to be elusive and mostly shadow like...it appeals, grovels, whines and then settles down, like a middle class family, with that picket fence and direct TV....

yet, if I have to pick a notion to live by, maybe its the believer in me that reaches out to the stars, rationally subversive people might be able to find a reason for even murder, but reason when aborted of spirituality lacks that essential fuel that ruins empires and establishes miracles...at the end of the day, if I can hold my body and mind in contempt of the ideal, then its a regressive life I have, which seeps away at illusions as I wander aimlessly in search of desire and appreciation...and I say let it all go, and within that primal atom of me that came from stardust from the cosmological birth is a hope, that essence will return to man, in a way so enthralling that just believing in it will liberate you from the ordinary and it will be because you matter, because you did it ....no one else, not the milk man, the president, your mother, or even GOD....just plain and simple tissues, bone and consciousness...you!